Tuesday, January 31, 2012

TAT: "Advice" For Mommies-To-Be

I haven't done a blog hop for a long time. I need a break from Maui & birthday posts, so here is my post for this week's Toddle Along Tuesday.

  1. Believe everything that everyone tells you. It is surely true.
  2. You're pregnant. Don't even think about drinking alcohol, caffeine, or eating soft cheese, deli meat, shell fish, processed sugars, or anything non-organic.
  3. Make a birth plan. The longer and more in detail, the better. If you don't follow it exactly as you have written it. You fail.
  4. You want to have a natural childbirth? 90% of people you tell this to will tell you you're crazy so you should probably change your mind and just get that epidural, or heck...try to find a doc who will schedule your c-section on the perfect day and time, whatever works best, ya know.
  5. On the other hand, if you do want an epidural, the tables will turn and everyone will tell you that you shouldn't drug up your baby to give birth to it. Epidurals are like...totally dangerous, you know?
  6. If you co-sleep you are wrong.
  7. If you let that poor little newborn sleep in a crib in a lonely room all by itself, you are also wrong.
  8. Breastfeeding? Wrong.
  9. Formula feeding? Also wrong.
  10. Definitely don't even try to keep up with housework. It's not worth the energy, you should just give up and let that all go to hell and try to recreate the leaning tower of Pisa with dishes piling up in your kitchen sink. (That was my PERSONAL "best" advice that I got as a first time mom-to-be!)
  11. You will sleep just perfectly and be so well rested before that baby comes, I promise.
  12. You will have to pee every 5 minutes for the rest of your life.
  13. Don't even think about giving that baby solid foods until it is 6 months old, or I'll call child services.
  14. Make sure you have your hair dresser on call for when you go into labor. Go and get a nice wash, dry, and style and might as well get your make-up done too, you want to look perfect for those first pictures after the baby comes, because really it's not that hard to give birth to a watermelon!
  15. Your baby will sleep through the night the first night you come home, if not, there's something wrong with it, or more realistically, there's something wrong with you.
  16. Your husband shouldn't have to help out at all, so don't even ask.
  17. Do you feed your baby chemicals? Do you feed your baby food from a jar? Is that organic?
  18. Don't let them have a soother. But also, don't let them suck their thumbs.
  19. As soon as that baby is born, people will ask you when you're going to have another, so you better have a good answer prepared.
  20. Do as the celebrities do. Drink a shot of wheatgrass every day, soak your feet in ice water as to prevent swelling, oh. And energy crystals, get you some energy crystals....whatever the heck those are.
I hope you all know me well enough to know that that was 100% complete sarcastic BS. Want to know my real advice for all my mommy-to-be friends?
Do whatever works for YOU and YOU alone. Be confident in the choices you make for you and your family and don't ever feel that you should have to defend them to anyone!
I also firmly believe that a pregnant mama should enjoy all the "me" time she can, especially first time mamas. Your life is never going to be the same. It will change for all the better, but it will still never be the same so enjoy all the YOU time you can get!

Also, get through the first 6 weeks with your newborn, and it gets better after that. That's how it was for me and a lot of my personal friends. Have fun with your pregnancy and newborn and do what works for YOU!


  1. I almost peed my pants reading this HYSTERICAL post! LOVE it!!!!

  2. I just want you to know that I came thisclose to pee'ing myself from laughing and that hasn't been a problem since I gave birth :)

    I needed a good laugh today. Thank you!

  3. I LOVE this! Fantastic and all so true :)

  4. HAHAHA seems people give out the same advice everywhere. Though I never got the hair dresser one, and I was told Tristan would never sleep through the night til he was 5 hahaha. Boy were they wrong. The things people say crack me up :).

  5. when i got to #2 i was pretty sure you were being serious and i was like WTF and then i got to #3 and realized this was a joke. sooo funny!

    ^^ and to the girl who posted above me, i'm pretty sure my child won't sleep through the night until he's 5!!!

  6. My mom tells me all the time that I'm lucky to have a 2yr old who sleeps 12hrs at night and I know I am. I expected long sleepless nights.


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