I have always known that I wanted more than one child. I just prayed that God would bless us with more children, and praise Him because here we are - almost 30 weeks pregnant with Baby #2. I've never wanted Braden to be a single child, but as we thought about when would be the "perfect" time to expand our family...there is no perfect time.We're at a point with Braden right now where there's no more diapers, he's more independent, he sleeps wonderfully and so do we, and life is pretty darn easy and a whole lotta fun. He's so so so much fun and we're loving this age...but in a couple of months we'll be starting all over again with a brand new baby. Don't get me wrong! We know what we signed up for and we're very happy about it...but it's just like with any major milestone in life, it never seems like there's a perfect time to take that leap of faith and change your life forever.
So what are some of my worries?
- Guilt. Mega, mega guilt. What will Braden think when my attention almost fully goes to his brand new baby sister/brother? It's not all about him anymore.
- Love. I know I will love Squishy. I already do, just how I loved Braden when I was pregnant with him. But how much love can my heart hold? The love I have for Braden as his mother...I can't even describe it - but I know you mommies out there know exactly what I'm talking about. How do you possibly love another baby as much as you love your first!? I know it's possible! I see it all the time with my family & friends, but before it actually happens to me...I just can't picture it all.
- Time. How will I manage? I want to still do stuff with just Braden...but breastfeeding a new baby - how? I know that one day I'll be able to pump and Jay or whomever can give bottles...but certainly not in the beginning. We have this family of 3 thing NAILED! It's just so easy, so I know it will take time to adjust to being a family of 4.
- Work. How will I go back to work? I know Jay will learn to be a father of two just as I learn to be a mother of two...but just taking care of one is so easy...how about two!? It will come, this I know...but it just seems so complicated to me right now.
- Comparisons. Baby Squishy has some big "shoes" to fill. I will love this babe no matter if s/he is the most colicky baby on the face of the earth (PLEASE don't be!! haha)...but Baby Braden was phenomenal. He had his sleep regression, like most babies, but other than that he was and still is to this day such an amazing baby/toddler. How can I not compare my two babies?!...but at the same time I don't want to set "expectations" on a newborn...because really it's just silly and there's nothing you can do about it! But even still I can't help but wonder that because Braden was such a good baby...does that mean I'll "pay" for it this time?
Fresh GraNOLA blog wrote this post on how she felt before she had her 2nd baby...and it has made me feel so much better. What are your experiences with having subsequent children?
In other news, I am 30 weeks pregnant today! 70 or so days to go. If you want to read back, here is my 30 week post from last time. Here's a mini-update for you:
- DONE WORK! In my last 30 week post I still had 8.5 weeks of work to go. I cannot imagine this time! CANNOT! Call me a princess, call me whatever you want, but I am blessed to not have to work anymore than past 30 weeks and I'm taking it. I don't know how my colleagues work full-time 12 hour day/night lines in the 3rd trimester with other children at home, you're heroines!
- Sleep is juuuuuuust starting to get uncomfortable, definitely feels better to sleep with a pillow between my legs now to help with hip pain...and it feels like I have to "heave ho" to turn over with the belly now!
- I can blame approximately 3 lbs of my pregnancy weight on the baby now!
- Actually still feeling really good - I can still bend over Braden to put on his shoes! (Jay can't even do this without a 30 week belly! haha!)
- My next appointment is the beginning of September and then I go to every 2 week appointments already! Unless it's raining I think Braden will have to come with me to my appointments, but that's okay.
- Varicose veins. Gross. How unsightly. Sigh. I only got a few spider veins on my lateral left knee last time...this time I have one big varicose vein, but luckily it's well hidden...and plenty more spider veins to add to the collection.
- I still get nauseous if I don't eat
- I have had no desire to exercise...at all. Probably a lot due to the extreme heat we've had this summer, but in all honesty - who cares? Really... I'm just trying to enjoy this and relax if I can. My daily housework is a workout in itself anyway!