Wednesday, May 30, 2012

There. I Said It.

You might not like them. Heck, I don't like a lot of them myself. It doesn't mean I want all these things to change, even if I could change them. It's just the truth, even if it's selfish, and I need to say it.
  • This pregnancy is so different from Braden. I'm having a really hard time not "complaining" yet, but figure I don't deserve it because I'm only 18 weeks
  • I feel guilty that with this pregnancy I'm not "glowing" and happy and feeling awesome like I did with Braden
  • I wish I didn't have this constant need to have my house perfectly clean all the time, but I can't sit still if it isn't and I love it when it's clean
  • I rarely feel pretty anymore, my skin with this pregnancy has been AWFUL and it's really taking it's toll on the ol' self esteem
  • I am very happy with my body right now, despite not feeling very pretty, and I've decided 100% to not care what the scale says, even if I gain 20 more lbs than last time
  • I don't need diamonds and rubies, but sometimes I just want people to pay attention to me and offer to do things for me instead of me doing everything for everyone
  • I'm having major "daddy" issues in my life right now, and I hope that I have the courage to share them with you one day
  • I'm going to a Christian women's retreat at a bible camp for the weekend. I am excited, nervous, and scared all at the same time
  • I miss Braden when I've been at work now more that ever. He changes so much every day that I don't want to miss a minute
  • I'm not enjoying being at work right now - I'm tired, feel "pregnant" and lazy already, but I really need to get my hours in for maternity leave over the next 3 months
  • I am truly starting to look forward to my 1/2 triathlon now. So many girls from work are doing it, and we're doing it as a team and it will be FUN not a "chore" like I've been thinking lately
  • I really hate when my husband plays his computer games, even though it doesn't happen every day
  • I'm getting very excited about planning Squishy's nursery and I'm really tempted to find out the sex in 5 days at our ultrasound so I can decorate it NOW...but I'll stay strong and won't
  • I'm really finding it hard to have any tolerance and/or patience for selfish people in my life
  • I've really been enjoying gardening lately, planting my first flower bed, and being outside - it gives me so much self-worth to make these improvements to our outside home
  • I bought a lilac tree and I can't wait to watch it grow up
  • I wish life weren't so expensive
  • I try not to partake in the mommy wars that are going on, but if you bash my mothering choices, I'm going to stand up for them
  • Also, if your method doesn't work AND you complain about it AND do nothing to change it, I might tell you my 2 cents...for free
  • I'm really starting to hope Squishy is a girl. I don't care, I really don't...would be super happy with another boy, but I reeeeeeeeeally want a girl
  • I have no idea how I'm going to poop potty train Braden, it scares must scare him too
  • I'm starting to get less anxious when I leave the house with Braden. Yes, I still get anxious. It never stops me from going places, but every stage with him there's always something new to worry about
  • I've been very hormonal and emotional lately...maybe that's why this list is so long?
Thanks to Allie for the inspiration for this post.


  1. Hugs!!!! And if you ask me - I think you look amazing!

    1. Oh thanks...I think I "look" good I just don't "feel" good, if that makes any sense!

  2. I think you look beautiful! Hahaha my favorite one is the fifth to last =)

    1. Thanks, Kristen...and yeah, it's very true! ;)

  3. You are awesome! I love that you put it out there. Yes, the second pregnancy is so so so different. Don't worry, as soon as you meet squishy all those feelings go away and you wonder how you ever just did it with one kid :) I also agree about the mommy wars. We are all blessed with our children because God wanted us to raise them. We know them best and that {hopefully} means we do what is best for them and our families. You shouldn't EVER have to defend your choices, that's the beautiful part YOU are Braden and Squishy's mommy and no one else!! I defend mine too - I just don't think we should ever have to ;) Oh and you are beautiful!! I am struggling with the 'image' thing now too so I can sympathize.

    1. That's the good thing about blogging...sometimes you just need to get things off your chest and there it all is! I'm not having bad feelings about Squishy, it's just all so different and I want to feel WONDERFUL while pregnant again but maybe it's not possible chasing a toddler around all day!

      P.S. I know that your "hopefully" wasn't directed to me ;)

  4. Oh and the {hopefully} is for those parents that make really poor decisions - not toward you. I just read it and don't want you to think that's how that was directed.

  5. I was just thinking you had been a little quiet on your blog! Cheer up! I think you are always doing a great job with B, work and everything else that you share with us! I always look forward to all your posts :)

    PS - you are always looking super cute!

    1. Quiet #1 cuz of work...and #2 cuz husband has taken over with gaming on the computer. I can blog from the iPad but it's not "the same" and I can't do much as far as pictures, so I just wait my turn!

      Thanks for reading and being such a good friend!

  6. Hi my dear friend. I have to say that I certainly know how you are feeling, I have a lot of the same things on my list. First off, I have to say I was so envious of you when you were pregnant with Braden, you always looked amazing and talked about how wonderful it was to have these amazing changes happen to you. I was going through pure hell being pregnant with Sophia and I wanted so desperately to feel beautiful but she really did suck the life out of me. When I talk about it now people said I looked great even though I didn't feel it. Now, I haven't really seen you this pregnancy but from what I can tell you look BEAUTIFUL!!!!! So hang in there, I'm sure it will get better :) I know I'm enjoying this pregnancy more and feel so much better about myself this time around.
    I also worry about my house, the new things with Sophia and going orut with her, I also don't have time for selfish people in my life.........mmmmm......why is it that we don't live closer? Because man there must be a reason we have been friends for so long. It's amazing that we seem to be going through similar things at the moment. I miss you......HUGS...xox

    1. I miss you so much! That made me tear up a bit, for real! I'm sorry I made you feel that way with Braden. I felt SO GOOD, but definitely not the same with this one. Still good, but just not "radiant" and "fabulous" like with Braden! You did look wonderful with Sophia and you NEVER complained, triple kudos to you!

      Look what our mothers did to us with our housekeeping! All for the better, but sometimes I wish I didn't care so much! I wish we lived closer I miss my best friend....aaaaaaaaand I'm tearing up again! God put us in each other's lives for a reason, and also a big reason you're one of like 2 people from high school I still talk to! Big HUGS!

    2. Tears for me too on my end. Don't goodness I was SO happy that you felt great, i just wanted to know how it felt that's all. And now....I do. :)

      Miss all of you and think of you often. xox

  7. first off you're gorgeous! don't feel bad about not glowing! i literally looked like death, the whole time, both times. the second time is just harder when you're not just caring for yourself but a crazy toddler too! i hate when my husband plays madden, or baseball on his cell ... for hours & i too cannot stand my house being a disaster. even if it is 11pm, i will get done whatever i need i before i can sit down & relax. we have a lot in common me & you, lol :)

  8. I read this late last night, but couldn't comment. I forget everything I wanted to say, but I still love you and your list and your thoughts and your ramblings. You are the best and you are entitled to feeling up, down, and like you're spinning. Take care of yourself mama! Let me know if you need anything!

  9. Don't blame me for the housekeeping phobia!! That's all on GG!! lol


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