Hearing God's Voice

I got a text from Laura a few weeks ago asking if I wanted to go to the ladies retreat. By retreat, I immediately thought "a weekend away from the guys! Just a weekend for me, how wonderful!" Little did I really know, it would be a forever life-changing weekend where I would connect with God in no way that I had ever before.

It was a retreat away for women only at a bible camp at a lake that our church supports. This was the 45th ladies retreat and I'm so glad that I was called to be a part of it. The theme for the weekend was "Hearing God's Voice". I had often wondered in my journey with God if I had ever really "heard" Him. Part of me just assumed that hearing Him, was literally so. Like one of my mental health patients hearing voices! I know many people do literally hear God's voice, but the wonderful speaker of the weekend - Carrie - who will be a lifelong friend (and hopefully mentor), opened up my eyes, ears, and all my senses really. She taught me that God speaks to us in many ways, and He had been speaking to me my whole life. I always assumed that "everything happens for a reason" and I do believe that, but now I know it's because it's God's plan for me and that is the reason why I make the decisions that I do and why things happen to me the way they do in my life.

That was our verse of the weekend. We kept going back to it in our exercises during sermon. I will never forget it, and it was so true for me that weekend. God spoke to me through Carrie, our speaker, in so many ways. I was doing a new thing. This was SO new for me. I stepped way out of my comfort zone and truly was a Christian in front of women who had been Christians...worshiping and praising their whole lives! Carrie asked Jesus into her heart when she was 3.5 years old. So young! I can't even remember being that young!  My journey with God has been wonderful, but very unique. Perhaps I will share more on that later, but for now I just want to share a bit about this weekend.

I learned that He speaks to us through songs, prayers of others, His creation - the sky, bird songs, flowers, trees, through books, through our partners, our friends...our children. Wow, does God even speak to me through Braden. Every time I look at him I never take for granted what a true blessing and a miracle he is to me.

I am a forever changed for the better woman. I truly heard his voice that weekend and want to learn his word. Another verse that really hit me, that I really needed to see was this:

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?

Matthew 6:25

It was a verse we were to read as part of our exercises, but it spoke to me so much and I needed to read that. I have been struggling so much with body image and nutrition this pregnancy and it has really bothered me. I don't want to feel this way, but I do. Dreading potential stretch marks, dreading the number that the scale reads as it is happening so much faster this time, feeling guilty about not eating as healthy as I could be, not exercising as much. That verse hit me, and it hit me hard. It doesn't mean I get a free pass and that I can stuff my face full of Laura's delicious cinnamon buns, but I just needed it.

Isn't this camp so peaceful and serene. It was perfect. I was surrounded by amazing women, including my amazingly wonderful sister-in-law Laura and my beautiful friend Sam. These two know more about me now on my journey with God that I knew before this weekend. I'm not going to share everything that happened, but I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone if He calls you to!

There. I Said It.

You might not like them. Heck, I don't like a lot of them myself. It doesn't mean I want all these things to change, even if I could change them. It's just the truth, even if it's selfish, and I need to say it.

• This pregnancy is so different from Braden. I'm having a really hard time not "complaining" yet, but figure I don't deserve it because I'm only 18 weeks
• I feel guilty that with this pregnancy I'm not "glowing" and happy and feeling awesome like I did with Braden
• I wish I didn't have this constant need to have my house perfectly clean all the time, but I can't sit still if it isn't and I love it when it's clean
• I rarely feel pretty anymore, my skin with this pregnancy has been AWFUL and it's really taking it's toll on the ol' self esteem
• I am very happy with my body right now, despite not feeling very pretty, and I've decided 100% to not care what the scale says, even if I gain 20 more lbs than last time
• I don't need diamonds and rubies, but sometimes I just want people to pay attention to me and offer to do things for me instead of me doing everything for everyone
• I'm having major "daddy" issues in my life right now, and I hope that I have the courage to share them with you one day
• I'm going to a Christian women's retreat at a bible camp for the weekend. I am excited, nervous, and scared all at the same time
• I miss Braden when I've been at work now more that ever. He changes so much every day that I don't want to miss a minute
• I'm not enjoying being at work right now - I'm tired, feel "pregnant" and lazy already, but I really need to get my hours in for maternity leave over the next 3 months
• I am truly starting to look forward to my 1/2 triathlon now. So many girls from work are doing it, and we're doing it as a team and it will be FUN not a "chore" like I've been thinking lately
• I really hate when my husband plays his computer games, even though it doesn't happen every day
• I'm getting very excited about planning Squishy's nursery and I'm really tempted to find out the sex in 5 days at our ultrasound so I can decorate it NOW...but I'll stay strong and won't
• I'm really finding it hard to have any tolerance and/or patience for selfish people in my life
• I've really been enjoying gardening lately, planting my first flower bed, and being outside - it gives me so much self-worth to make these improvements to our outside home
• I bought a lilac tree and I can't wait to watch it grow up
• I wish life weren't so expensive
• I try not to partake in the mommy wars that are going on, but if you bash my mothering choices, I'm going to stand up for them
• Also, if your method doesn't work AND you complain about it AND do nothing to change it, I might tell you my 2 cents...for free
• I'm really starting to hope Squishy is a girl. I don't care, I really don't...would be super happy with another boy, but I reeeeeeeeeally want a girl
• I have no idea how I'm going to poop potty train Braden, it scares me...it must scare him too
• I'm starting to get less anxious when I leave the house with Braden. Yes, I still get anxious. It never stops me from going places, but every stage with him there's always something new to worry about
• I've been very hormonal and emotional lately...maybe that's why this list is so long?

Thanks to Allie for the inspiration for this post.