The Part of Raising a Boy That Scares Me

Lately I've seen it more and more. It scares me. It makes me want to bubble up my sweet boy Braden and never let anyone influence him. I love him just the way he is and I don't want him to change.

What brings this on, you ask? Boy. Rough-housing, mean boys. It's inevitable and I can't protect him forever, and by no means am I a "helicopter mom" or a "smother mother"....but things of late have scared me.

My nephew Luke is a few months over 4 years old. He's a thick, solid boy. All boy. I love him to bits, I always have, and we are around him the most, out of all the cousins. Luke has always been a sweet, gentle, kind-hearted little boy, very much like Braden is. But as boys get older and start going to pre-school and start playing a bit more rough with boys their age...it scares me. Luke has been playing a bit more rough with Braden the last couple of months, and while he's not mean and doesn't intend to hurt Braden, the fact of the matter is he's just a bigger kid than Braden by age and markedly in size. Braden, I think, mostly gets scared if Luke is a bit too rough with him and never gets hurt. Laura (Luke's mom) and I are both on the same page and don't want them to play this way, and Luke isn't like that very often with Braden, but something else happened today that just makes me so sad.

Jay took Braden over to a neighbor's house to play this afternoon and their almost 5 year old boy was very rude and physically rough with Braden. "You can't play with my things" and things of that nature, and even punched/hit him once. They have a son that is just a couple of months younger than Braden, that Braden gets along with very well (I haven't found a kid Braden doesn't get along with yet), but he was feeding off his older brother and saying that he didn't want to play with Braden because he was playing with his older brother. That just broke a little piece of my heart for Braden! My son is getting "bullied" at not even 3 years old? Jay said Braden wasn't really phased by this, he just went about his way and played with other toys by himself, but Braden was looking SO forward to playing with his little friend, then the brothers stuck together and my poor little guy was left alone.

I have noticed some changes in my little sweetheart. He has thrown the odd toy - which he has never done before - but as soon as he does, we calmly say "No, Braden. You do not throw your toys, that is not a nice thing to do. You do not get to play with this toy tomorrow." I really want to teach him that there will always be consequences for his poor behavior.

I know it's inevitable that he will learn bad things, for the rest of his life, from other kids and people he meets along his journey. Pre-school, kindergarten, HIGH SCHOOL...ick! I guess all we can do as parents is teach our kids how we expect them to act and behave and just PRAY that they value what we have taught them and carry it through. I know my kids won't be perfect, but I just don't want to loose my little sweet boy. He has never shown any signs of aggression or violence, and it would just break my heart if he started being physically violent and verbally rude. One thing is for sure...that will not be tolerated in this household.

Have you noticed your little boy, or girl for that matter, either getting more physical or aggressive as they get older? Are they getting bullied? How did you deal with it?

That Time I Spanked My Son

It's not a moment I'm proud of. I'm not here to start another Mommy War. I'm here, as always, to share my story and my thoughts and feelings that go with it.


That little sweetheart up there, my Braden, is now 2 years and 1 week shy of 8 months old. His listening skills have improved vastly, even over the last few months. He'll often grab my hand as he is getting out of my truck and says "hold hands in parkin' wot!"

But sometimes, toddlers are just toddlers and they can't be perfect. On our travels today we stopped to have a potty break and then were going to get a smoothie and continue on. We were on our way out of the restaurant, I opened the door for Braden, and as I was opening, I reminded him "okay, hold Mommy's hand!" And he took off.

One warning: "BRADEN! Hold Mommy's hand please!"

Two warnings: "BRADEN! Do NOT run!"

No time for 3 warnings as he's just about to the end of the sidewalk and about to sprint into the parking lot...I gave my 34 week pregnant body all it had to give and ran to him as he was about 3 steps into the parking lot.
Then...it happened. I reached out, grabbed his left arm with my left hand as my right hand swung to spank his itty bitty bum in his camouflage shorts.

I didn't hit him hard, I startled him more than anything...but then the lip came out. That little bottom lip jutted out in all it's pink moist poutiness and broke my heart.
It hurts my heart to say that I "hit" my child...but I did. I didn't know what else to do. The yelling/scolding didn't work. He kept running. It was a parking lot...with big moving vehicles that could hurt him!

A little background info...I am not a believer of spanking. I've given him little "one finger" smacks on the bum before to reiterate something I'm trying to say...but never have actually spanked him.

I'm not here to judge you if you spank, obviously I believe there's a time and a place for it, and I felt I had no other choice today. I needed something that would hopefully reiterate how SERIOUS Mommy was, because my Big Booming Mommy voice (and believe me, it is big) was not working.

I then quietly walked him the rest of the way to our truck, I gently picked him up, had him sit on my bump, and we hugged as he whimpered.

I had my first heart-to-heart with my son. I looked him in his bright blue eyes and said "I'm sorry I hurt your bum, Braden...but Mommy was VERY scared. You have to LISTEN to Mommy or you could get hurt. Mommy doesn't want you to get hurt. I love you."

"Sowwy, Mommy."

"Thanks, buddy. Are you okay? I love you."

"I okay, Mommy."

We got our smoothies and hit the road. In no time were back to laughing, giggling, listening to The Lorax, and looking for trains and loaders and diggers like we always do. But I'll still never forget what I did today. Sigh.

Did I break your heart a little bit too? I'm suffering a big case of Mega Mommy Guilt. But I didn't know what else to do...??? I got a ton of support from a lot of you on Twitter today and I thank you so much for that. You made me feel loved and said that you had done it too, not that you liked it either, but that you felt the circumstance was "dire" enough that it warranted a spank.
I hate myself a little bit for it. I don't ever want to have to do it again.

Have you ever had a similar situation? I've already said a prayer that we will both learn from this situation and that I'll never have to do it again.

Discipline Your Children, God Wants You To!

Now what better reason could I give you than "God wants you to"!? On Wednesday I finished my 3rd bible study with the #SheReadsTruth community. I read the whole book of Proverbs, all 31 chapters - one chapter a day. I have learned more than a few valuable lessons from Proverbs, and yet again I find it changing me to my core, and I hope to re-read my journal and just let it sink in over and over again.

I have said it before, and I'll say it again - one of the things that scares the daylights out of me is raising Christian children. Maybe other Christian families don't give it another thought and just go about their ways raising their little believers...but for me, I've thought long and hard about it since I was pregnant with Braden. I think God was speaking to both me and Jay, when Braden was 6 months old, 1 week before we had him dedicated, He said we needed to dedicate ourselves to Him again. Jay was called to be baptized and I reaffirmed my faith, as I was baptized as an infant. Raising a child seems like a lot of pressure, but Proverbs has eased my anxieties and I think we're doing a pretty good job raising Braden. I want to share with you some of my favorite scriptures on parenting:

That one, right there...my favorite on parenting. It affirmed everything that I have been doing with Braden and I'm happy that I'm doing the right thing. My study bible goes on to say:

The greatest responsibility that God gives parents is the nurture and guidance of their children. Lack of discipline shows lack of concern for their character development. Without correction, children don't know right from wrong and don't have direction. Do not be afraid to discipline your children. It is an act of love. Encourage your children to seek God's wisdom above all else! The wisdom they learn must be taught - they don't just absorb it.

Can I get a "hallelujah"?! I am SUCH a firm believer that children do need our guidance. If we let our kids run the household...how will they ever learn? How will they ever fit in a structured environment like school and eventually work? I'm not Super Strict Mom, but I definitely have expectations of my 2.5 year old, and they started long before he was this age. And? He's turning out to be a very polite and well-mannered little boy. At the end of the day...he's still 2. He's still a toddler and there's no way I can expect perfection, but every week I see improvements in his listening and following direction. If he doesn't clean up his toys? I take them away for a day or two, I've only had to do this twice. If he doesn't listen after a few times of me asking, he gets a 2 minute time out and knows to say "sorry, Mommy" after and then we hug it out. He even has daily chores, which he loves doing.

I do not see chores as punishment, as some do, I believe they teach value and respecting property. Who liked chores growing up? Not me! But I dusted, I vacuumed, I cleaned up my room (this may have gone went wayward as a teenager, a bit!) but now? I appreciate those lessons my mom taught me and my grandma taught her. Now as an adult and the motherly head of my own household? I cherish and value my CLEAN home more than ever, and I have my mom to thank for that.

I also think it's extremely important, for my family, to have our kids sit through church service. At least for the first half when we are singing & praying before the sermon starts. This is discipline. This is structure. Is Braden perfect all the time? Heck no. I've had to leave church all together with him twice this year because he was an overtired mess who wasn't happy in the sanctuary or the play room and just wanted to run around like a Crazy Toddler while the pastor was preaching. BUT, we are trying to set the foundation for him.

Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death. (NIV)

Discipline your children while you still have a chance; indulging them destroys them. (MSG)

Proverbs 19:18

Point your kids in the right direction - when they're old they won't be lost!

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

 -- Proverbs 22:6

Parents should discern the individuality and special strengths God gives each one. We can better discern and develop the individual capabilities of each child by talking to others. Teach your children how to make decisions - then you don't have to watch every step they take. We then will know they will remain on the right path because they made the choice themselves - train them to choose the right way. [source]

I know there isn't a manual that comes with each individual child when they're born (though, how awesome would that be!?), but it's nice to have the Word to rely on and affirm to me that we're doing right by Braden...so far!

Trying Times

Not everything in life is rosy, so why paint it that way? I like it when people are real, and everything I write here is. If I've made it seem like Braden's the perfect baby, or that I'm the perfect mommy/wife/person, or that we have the perfect life...I assure you that he isn't, I'm not, and we don't - to certain degrees! I'm only human. Braden has always been an amazing baby. He was content and happy from day 1. We didn't suffer through colic, he nursed like a champ, he took solids like a champ and ate everything we gave him, and he's slept perfectly, minus the blurps we've had, but sleep training has fixed that. I would like to think that I'm a pretty decent (or better!) person and that I treat people the way that I want to be treated. I've recently been going to meetings, and for my own privacy and others' I'll just refer to it as "my meetings", and it's really helped me to realize that I and the only one in charge of how I feel and that no one can make be feel any differently about myself, it's only if I let them.

But with a toddler....

It's different!

Back to the title - trying times. I don't know if it's the insane amount of hours I've been working lately, mostly nights at that which makes just about anyone a zombie unless you're used to it...or what it is, but I've been getting so flustered, frustrated, and at times impatient with Braden. I don't want to feel this way. He is still, for the most part, his usual happy, content self...but the whining has started. Part, or all of this, is related to his age and lack of communication that makes him this way, and I know this. He'll whine "uhhhh! Uhhhhh!!!!" when he wants something, and to his credit - he has gotten much better about saying "up" or "nummy" when he knows what he wants...but I think it's just really frustrating for all of us when we have no idea what he wants.

The fourth molar popped through well over a week ago, so I feel like I can't blame it on teething anymore?? He does have 5 teeth left to cut and the drool and fingers in mouth are still present...but teething has never really gotten him down, other than he doesn't eat as much as he usually does. (*Update*) BUT, as a fellow mommy blogger and due date friend Katie so kindly asked in her comments...4 of those teeth are eye teeth and they were really painful for her triplets (yes, triplets) who are 2 months older than Braden.

Eating.

God help me. I can deal with the whining, as I said it's improving and I know it's an age/communication thing, but with eating problems, I've seen it happen with all the kids around me, at some point in their lives. All of my nieces and my nephew have all struggled/fought/refused whatever word you want to pick or was appropriate at the time, eating their food. "Well", I thought, "That would never happen to my Braden, no way, no how! He LOVES his food!" Psssh. He's only refused to eat salmon and pickles. The only two foods he doesn't care for. Until recently. Meals that he's eaten in a variety of consistencies as he's gotten older since he was 7-8 months old, he refuses now. He pushes away the utensil and says "done!" He says "done" even before he's had his first bite of food sometimes! He's always loved my meatloaf, my BBQ'd ribs...but not this week. He wouldn't even try a bite. I grew up with a picky-eater brother and Jay was a picky-eater as a child and I will NOT become a short order chef making grilled cheese, Kraft Dinner, hot dogs, or peanut butter sandwiches every meal!

HELP!!!

Braden has gone through phases like this in the past where he hardly eats a thing and then within a few days it's like he'll make up for lost time and wolf down EVERYTHING in sight. Two bowls of oatmeal, a banana, and yogurt for breakfast for my little barely 25 pounder! Now he's eating a forced highly encouraged bowl of oatmeal in the breakfast if we're lucky. He's not picky yet, cuz he's not even eating much of his favorite foods.

Another trying situation right now is that he's in to everything. He would go through phases where he'd pull everything out of the kitchen drawers and then not even touch a drawer for days or a week. But now he is the definition of a toddler tornado destroying making a mess everywhere he goes. I've decided in the upcoming weeks that I will baby proof as much as I possibly can, for my own sanity. I don't want to be the "naggy" mom that I feel myself becoming by constantly saying "no, Braden!" He's already repeating "no, no, no, no, no!" when he knows he's not supposed to be doing something. Plus I am so over putting the colander back into it's drawer, closing the lazy Susan and replacing it's contents, and picking up the multiple hoards of toys we own. A lot of people might say, who cares if my house is a mess, they're only this age once...but I do care. It's in my core to care what my home looks like and I can't just let it slip because Braden is a toddler. I hope to have at least one toddler in my home for many years to come! :) So my question...

How do you, or can you even, discipline at this age?  

(almost 19 months)

I'm leaning towards the notion that you just can't. I've yelled at him. Mommy fail. It doesn't work, he couldn't care less. When I've caught him splashing in the toilet for the 4th time that day and I stomp my feet and say "NO, BRADEN" very sternly, he just looks up and smiles. He got a reaction from mommy, and even if it was negative, it's probably all that he wanted. I've taken a page from my sleep training book and have tried quietly taking his hand and lead him away from the situation without saying a word. That doesn't work. Sigh. Just a phase?? Too early for time outs? I really don't think he'd understand it yet. I don't want to "go there" if it's a touchy subject for you, but I will never spank or hit my child, so that's not an option for us either.

Here is where I ask for your advice, suggestions, and comments. I just ask that you please keep it positive and encouraging! 

Here's just a pic I've used before of my sweet, little, goofball...the little love of my life, just as a reminder of how sweet he is and not this problem child you might be thinking he is!

P.S. Don't you dare Please refrain from calling my sweetheart "terrible", as in "oh, looks like the terrible 2's are coming early!" I've heard it already, and I truly don't think that Braden is rebelling or being a "terrible" child. I just want to try to help him and us out and to learn from your experiences. I just love him so much and he deserves to have the best mommy that I can be to him, not the frustrating nag that I know I can be at times. Thanks in advance.